For the love of effigies

Those crazy bastards over there in the sub-continent love their effigies don’t they?

Effigies rock

It has always amused me the burning of effigies - even more so because it tends to be quite prolific amongst cricket fans. This is as amusing as it is confusing.

The poor old Pakistanis and Indians have suffered humiliating defeats at the hands of Ireland and Bangladesh respectively (I don’t know which would be worse considering Jason Gillespie’s double ton against Bangladesh)

It has gotten even worse though with Indian fans not only drowning pictures of their players:

Not drowning, painting

… but storming and trashing the home of one of them:

Riot!

What a bunch of fucking muppets!

I wonder what would happen if they were as mad about soccer as they are of cricket…

It is time that we introduced the art of effigy burning to Australia I believe - the Rugby World Cup should give us a great opportunity to hone our skills.

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Inconsiderate arseholes

Habanero - Image by André Karwath

Why are people such pricks?

Yesterday I went out the back to check on the wonderful little organic vegetable garden. It is a small 10m x 80cm plot at the back of our property at the end of a common lane way.

Lovingly nurtured in this vegie garden are:

  • Several types of chilli including the Habanero, Cayenne and Bulgarian Carrot varieties
  • Black Russian tomatoes
  • Capsicums
  • Beans
  • Rockmellon
  • Normal tomatoes

Upon arriving at the garden I was shocked and more than a little pissed off to find that some inconsiderate arsehole had decided that it would be a good idea to rip up a couple of plants, tear the branches off a few others (including one with 12 new, unripened habanero on it - I was really looking forward to sampling them) and rip up a couple of the stakes holding up the tomatoes.

As it is a private laneway, it could only have been one of the co-users or their guests - which pisses me off even more because I had planned to deliver everyone a parcel of the fresh goods once they had ripened.

After this, my charitable instincts have been somewhat dulled. Yes, the majority of the garden has survived but why would someone do such a thing in the first place?

It is nothing but vandalism and will sadly mean that I have to install some kind of security device - be it a fence or a camera - to prevent it from happening again.

Picture by André Karwath.

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Not art nor artists

Graffiti is not an art form, nor are those who indulge in it artists - they are vandals, common criminals.

Graffiti is defined as the unauthorised defacing of a public or private structure.

Vandalism is defined as willful or malicious destruction or defacement of public or private property.

Not such a long bow to draw to link the two is it?

Kenny from the film of the same name hits the nail on the head:

Whilst it cannot be denied that some of those who perform such acts of vandalism have a true talent, a large percentage is illegible, unpalatable, uninspiring, boring, juvenile rubbish - nothing more than a pre-pubescent pissing contest.

Regardless of how talented those who carry out these crimes against taste, society and public and private property may be, the fact remains that they are destroying something that belongs to someone else and as such are nothing but common criminals and vandals.

They are no better than the drunken idiot who smashes someones letterbox, the mentally deficient arsonist or the angry teenager who smashes in a shopfront window.

Art is defined “the expression or application of creative skill and imagination”. An artist is said to be “a person who practices or performs any of the creative arts”.

To refer to these reprehensible visual urban terrorists as artists, or the crimes that they commit as art, is thus a misnomer - especially when considering the lowest common denominator - the tagger.
It could be argued that some of the vandalism of trains, buses, walls, cars, peoples homes could be seen as having been done by someone with a certain degree of talent. Even though I loathe the sight of the urban terrorism these criminals perpetrate, I can appreciate that behind a small percentage of the defacements lies a certain degree of flair.

This talent should be put to use in a manner that benefits the society that these parasites are so used to using as their host - painting murals at schools, giving a fresh coat of paint to dilapidated old buildings, painting pictures for dementia patients…

The worst kind of parasite though, as I have alluded to earlier, is the tagger.

Whether or not it is with a permanent pen or a spray can - the tagger is no more skillful or talented than the dog who cocks his leg and pisses on a telegraph (or stobie for you crow eaters) pole. That is essentially what it is - some teenage (or worse, adolescent) dropkick with no hopes, ambitions, future, skill or redeeming qualities - pissing all over something that isn’t theirs in some vain attempt to make a mark on the world. They know that there is no way that they will ever be able to do it legitimately so why not destroy something that belongs to someone else?

99% of what they scrawl on other peoples property is illegible anyway and it would seem as if most of them are illiterate as well. These guys are special people.

Oxygen thieves - that is what they are. But what should we do about them?

Stocksa

According to a policewoman that I spoke to some weeks ago, vandalism of private and public property is the fastest growing crime in Sydney. She had been responding to an incident of vandalism where some poor guy had had his brand new car covered in tags - for no reason it would seem other than the fact that these wastes of space were jealous that someone else had earned something that they wish they could have for themselves (without putting in the effort that it takes to earn it.

She mentioned that vandalism was the greatest drain on the public purse both in terms of crime fighting and repairing it… and I would wager that the ignorant mongrels who perpetrate it would be the first to excuse their heinous actions with cries of “but there is nothing else for us to do” - well you brain dead fuckwits, if our taxes didn’t have to be spent on cleaning up after your juvenile pissing contest, perhaps there would be some money to spend on youth facilities.

I queried her on what might be an appropriate civilian response should one catch a vandal in the act. Would it be acceptable to deliver them a sound beating and then turn them in?

Her response suggested that if one were to do that, to make sure it wasn’t near ones own residence and to bugger off before the police got there. Probably not quite a tacit approval but not a total disapproval either.

Perhaps if councils placed bounties on the heads of these criminals - say $50 or $100 for a successful capture, I am sure that the latent vigilante spirit within the community would ensure a dramatic reduction in the amount of vandalism.

Everyone is armed with a camera of some type in this day and age - why not set up a council website where people could post pictures of vandals for the public to identify. The cops could then nab them, parade them about in their underwear whilst people throw tomatoes or something at them and then force them to paint over any piece of property with their tags on it with fresh paint, the cost of which would be billed to them.

Subsequent transgressions could be punished with the use of a stockwhip before forcing the criminal to paint over all the vandalism in an entire city block - again, at their own expense.

Something needs to be done about these mongrels and soon.

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