Gurpreet and the Indian cricket “team”

I used to share an office with a fellow called Gurpreet. A very opinionated, though nice enough gentleman, he once described himself as an “indolent Indian”.

I was working 16 hour days at the time, and he once asked me why I put in so much effort to what he described as a “waste of time with a two bit telco”.

As he was a Sikh, I couldn’t really grasp where he was coming from.

The business telecommunications company that I was working for was run by a couple of knockabout blokes who had no qualms about rewarding initiative via means of gifts, incentives, bonuses and pay rises.

Gurpreet used to sit at his desk all day, betting and watching live streams of the Indian cricket team.

The Indian cricket team were winning at that time and he used to give me quite a razzing, oftentimes telling me how they would humiliate Australia when they next toured.

I politely donned my headphones and got on with my work.

Gurpreet once asked me how he could get a pay rise in this company.

I told him that he needed to take the initiative, write up a business plan, suggest some positive changes for the organisation, get on the front foot.

In hindsight, that advice may have been dual edged.

The Indian cricket team haven’t taken any initiative, though they have played far too many strokes on the front foot, leading to their miserable collapses in the first innings of each test this summer in Australia.

Perhaps Gurpreet could have done both, perhaps MS Dhoni could have at least taken some initiative and shown some leadership.

With Australia cruising towards a first innings lead without loss, it looks like a good time for effigy sellers to start plying their trade.

The Von Sydow Method

The Von Sydow Method was invented on September the 14th, 2011 by “bitingjudas”. It refers to a style of play, and the associated techniques used within said style, used whilst playing Rugby Challenge 2011.

Initially only a concept, promoted as a clever ruse in order to gain a psychological advantage over John “Haystacks” Maguire, Clint “Fatbitch” Williams (also known as Captain Fatbitch) and Peter “Throbbler” Roberts, the Von Sydow Method has quickly gained notoriety amongst the online Rugby community as a clinical means via which one can

- dominate at the breakdown
- win scrums against the feed
- assure oneself of a superior amount of territory and possession
- generally humiliate opponents

Whilst the exact formula that The Von Sydow Method is comprised of remains a tightly guarded secret, proponents of The Method have begun to accumulate a significant amount of high scoring wins.

Since its inception, the inventor, “bitingjudas” has gone on to win over 87% of all matches played online.

It remains to be seen if there will ever be anyone truly capable of formulating a plan that can counter the brilliance of The Von Sydow Method.

What were they thinking…

…leaving out the patka wielding Panesar in the first two tests – well, especially the second?

Panesar

His left arm spin ripped through the Aussies yesterday.

He seems to have a very gregarious, happy, fun loving demeanor and it was great to watch how his attitude seemed to lift the whole team. Just what England (and the series) needed.

It is a pity – for the Poms and anyone who likes to watch a tight contest – that they didn’t play him in Brisbane, and certainly in Adelaide. With the series looking gone [England are presently 6/114], who knows what might have been if their coach and selectors had of picked a team that included Panesar.

I suppose that we will never know, but if they win two of the remaining three, the question will always be “but what if Monty had of played in Adelaide”

Technorati Tags: , , , , , ,

Simply brilliant

I really feel for Andrew “Freddie” Flintoff.

The man seems like one of the true gentlemen of world sport and certainly one of the greatest blokes in world cricket.

Not only seemingly self effacing and humble, who can forget that remarkable gesture of sportsmanship after the narrow Australian loss (one could call it an English win but more on that later) in the tense second test at Edgbaston.

A great act of sportsmanship

To have the presence of mind to console and congratulate a valiant opponent after the closest contest in Ashes history before joining your team mates in wild celebration illustrates a certain depth of character and personality that is rare in your ordinary everyday human being, let alone elite athlete.

Flintoff, due to his prodigious all round abilities and character makeup is probably the only Pom that we would ever wish had had criminal ancestry about 200 years ago or so.

That said, is he the right man to be leading England in their attempt to retain the precious urn?

Simple answer – yes with a but.

Yes because there doesn’t appear to be anyone else capable of leading them and he certainly seems to inspire loyalty.

The but however comes in the form of the admirable qualities mentioned above – I don’t think that he has the mongrel in him, the bastardry needed to captain a team in the manner of someone like Steve Waugh.

To keep the urn out of the determined clutches of this Australian team, especially with Warne, Ponting and Mr Cricket in the form that they are in will require a streak of the mongrel – and a cohesive team performance.

The big difference in the end (apart from undoubtedly the best bowler the game has ever seen) was the way that the teams played.

The English had 4 good players, all contributing individually to their teams effort whereas the Australians had a team (with the exception of Martyn and perhaps Hayden and Langer) of players, all with shoulders to the one wheel.

For England, Collingwood (206 & 22*) and Hoggard (7/109 & 1/29) were brilliant and ones heart must go out to them. That with such fine performances, they were part of a losing team would pain them deeply.

For Australia, almost everyone contributed to what must be described as one of our finest wins ever.

Appeal

It was probably the erroneous dismissal of Strauss that began the downward spiral, however, as one of my favourite cricket writers, Simon Barnes from The Times noted, the resultant collapse was fraught with madness:

“For superior bowling does not make you play stupid shots, not unless you panic. It started to go wrong for England when Andrew Strauss got a bad decision as England had been going serenely till then. But Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell put together a ghastly run-out, Bell rooted to the spot as if cursed by Harry Potter and Collingwood charging through screaming as if his trousers were on fire.

Kevin Pietersen was out playing his stockwhip-sweep at Warne before playing himself in and Flintoff went wafting at a wide one with feet cemented to the earth. The last of the so-called batsmen, Geraint Jones, gave a catch off a ball that might have been called a wide had he left it alone. All these shots were played, let us remember, in circumstances in which cautious, risk-free advance was the obvious tactic.

This was not an error of tactics, it was losing your head.”

Partick Kidd – whose Line and Length “View from the sofa” is well worth a read , was equally scathing in that amusing manner that the Poms have when it comes to lambasting fallen heroes:

“Hopeless, absolute rubbish. This has to be regarded as one of the blackest days for English cricket. Strangled when they batted, unable to buy a run let alone occupy the crease for long enough to save the game, England were then out-thought, outgunned, outballsed by Australia in the fourth innings. After such a good first two days, nothing could be as painful as this defeat, not even watching the England rugby team.

All credit to Australia, who bowled and batted brilliantly, but England have looked lost today, leaderless and clueless. I thought that after Edgbaston and Trent Bridge 2005 they had learnt how to win the clutch moments, but now they have slipped back into bad old habits. I wonder if this will be a Lord’s ’81 moment for Andrew Flintoff. He looked as inept a leader as Botham did 25 years ago, wondering why his team couldn’t do what he wanted. He made Ronnie Irani look like Mike Brearley, and that is saying something.”

A question though – did England win at Edgbaston or did Australia lose?

England certainly lost the second test yesterday – there is no way known that they should have let Australia win… but with Kasprowicz and Lee combining in a 59 run last wicket partnership and coming only two runs short of taking a 2-0 series lead, did England truly win that game or did Australia lose it. A bloody hard question to answer. It was certainly the most thrilling Ashes game I have ever watched. Yesterdays was brilliant, amazing, superlative, wonderful, bloody well fantastic – but it wasn’t the edge of the seat stuff that the second test in 2005 was.

I don’t want to curse the lads, but on the back of the inept, spiritless, spineless performance of yesterday – the Poms are surely damaged goods. This could well be a 5-0 whitewash.

The best thing about an English team failing is reading what their own press write about them – this is going to be a great summer of cricket.

Ponting and Hussey

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The magic of Warne

Australian cricket will never be the same when (if) he retires… he must play on until his arm falls off…

God

Another brilliant display today that crushed the Poms and set up a game that looked for all money like it was going to be a draw – turning it into a possible Australian win.

A magic commentary of the game can be found at The Times website:

http://timesonline.typepad.com/line_and_length/Â

Some of the more amusing lines from the site:

Shane Warne is spotted tucking into what appears to be a slice of cheese on toast. I suppose he has deserved it.”

“Of course, the annoying thing about Ponting is that not only will he be thinking that Australia can win, he’ll be looking at the scoreboard, seeing that 150-odd is needed, and thinking “I can get another hundred here”.

I will have to remember that site – it can be enjoyable to look at things through the enemies eyes from time to time – especially when you are winning.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , ,

Thorpe or no Thorpe

Thorpe

As was widely expected, Ian Thorpe today resigned at the age of 24.

Cited was simply a lack of interest in swimming – and fair enough too.

Thorpe has given over ten years of his life to the sport and to his country as an ambassador on the world stage.

He has held the weight of the expectations of a sporting mad, success hungry nation upon his shoulders for most of those ten years and handled the pressure remarkably well, showing a maturity beyond his years. He has sensibly used his profile to invest in various business interests and is in a position of now being set up for life.

It is now time for Thorpe, Ian James to party.

For some time now, there has been whispered speculation that Ian is gay – though many people have denied this with such statements as “He can’t possibly be – he is too good a swimmer” – additionally, there have been unconfirmed rumours of his desire for the night life…

… and who gives a toss?

Good on him if he wants to rack up a few lines and indulge in serenading the leather clad masses with his shiny pink bed flute – it is a pity that someones sexuality can be considered a barrier to them as a sporting idol or prominent Australian… but that is what a lot of people think has happened over the years.

It has often been speculated that Ian has denied that he is homosexual for fear of losing advertising endorsements or causing some of the sheen to be taken from the lustre of Thorpe Inc – and that may well be the case.

The text of his retirement speech contained some interesting language:

“As of 2.53 on Sunday afternoon I decided I would not be swimming the world championships,”

Well, I suppose that you would take note of such a momentous decision… or perhaps it was when “Sample A” was taken. The other rumour that has dogged Thorpe of late – though it is more whispered in groups of friends than publicly mentioned – is that he occasionally suffers from the Columbian ‘flu.

One expects that we will find out soon enough.

Ian, thanks for the wonderful memories that you have provided Australians through your feats in the water and out of it – good luck in your new life, party hard and enjoy a life of hedonism.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , ,