Raven Paradox

Roebucking is a term that I coined after the suspicious death of Peter Roebuck.

To Roebuck (verb) is:

The act of taking, often with great enthusiasm, a rattan cane to the pert, naked buttocks of a young, black, aspiring cricket player. Often an orphan or youngster in ones care.

“After failing to make a half century, young Ngambo was given a thorough Roebucking by his coach.”

Little did I know at the time, that young Itai Gondo had been lured for a thorough Roebucking:

Bring a stick so I can give you a good old fashioned Roebucking

Sadly, I don’t think that young Itai is making it up.

For many years, rumours and allegations have swirled around the sporting community about the late Mr Roebuck’s predilections and proclivities.

Whilst it may be seen to be in bad taste to “speak ill of the dead”, one must “think of the children”.

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I stumbled across a website called “Tolerance is our demise” today, courtesy of:

http://mike-stuchbery.com/2011/09/01/1332/

It perplexed me a little bit, I initially thought that it was a serious, racist, bigoted, rabid right wing rant about the usual topics, you know, multiculturalism, homosexuals, the Greens… but the more I scrolled through the poorly cobbled together diatribe, I began to realise that it was really a very clever troll.

The first paragraph gave me the hint:

Thank you for visiting our new Internet Website. We want to give you the opportunity to contact us to tell us about your concerns, views and opinions as to the way that our country is heading.

“new Internet Website” – I didn’t know that there was any other kind. That phrase kind of reminded me of something that Pauline Hanson would have said, something for which Mike Carlton often parodied her for.

We are hoping to encourage all average hard working Australians to adopt our catch phrase

“Tolerance is our Demise”™

After reading this (and searching ATMOSS to see if there was a trademark for that “slogan”), it really began to twig. There is no trademark, pretending that there was one is another clever part of the troll.

tolerance to “the not so silent minority” who shout out their opinions very loudly and lobby the government to have their minority opinions implemented even though they are not the opinions or wishes of the majority of hard working Australians. But most of all, it’s about tolerance to governments that treat their own people with the greatest of contempt by giving hand-outs to people who arrive here illegally while treating their own people who have worked and paid taxes, who were either born and raised here or came here legally and worked for a better life, as second class citizens!

Now, that paragraph – if you can call it that – is classic BoltJones doublespeak, and so cleverly crafted that you would be forgiven for thinking that these people were actually right wing nutcases instead of some clever uni students parodying the far right extremists.

We believe that those few people who stand on street corners and shout out their views have not helped to create the Australia that most of us have worked hard for. In many instances they are students who have never worked and paid taxes or have mortgages to pay; they are lawyers and a few journalists with self-interest; they are welfare recipients who have not any intention of ever working (and thus contributing through taxation) with a lot to lose. The average hard working Australian is out working and paying taxes to support these minority groups and therefore hasn’t got time to go out to stand on street corners to protest.

The penny drops here – the polarising comments, designed to draw media attention and highlight the hypocrisy of the far right.

Amusingly, there were people with the stickers advertised on these guys website, posted on placards, advertising outside the electoral office of Anthony Albanese he other day

The creators of this website have cleverly parodied those people by claiming that only people for whom we should have no tolerance can afford to take the time off to protest, as your average, hard working Aussie doesn’t have the time to do this.

Brilliant!

We are sick and tired of ordinary Australians who love their country being labelled “red-necks, racists and bigots” for speaking the truth, their only agenda being to keep Australia a great place for future generations. Whilst we are in favour of inviting people from other countries to come to live in our great country, we believe that we should be able to decide who we invite.

A very clever paraphrasing of the famous “We will decide who comes to this country” speech by the darling of the right, John Winston Howard.

It is a clever parody in many ways, particularly seeing as these cunning lefties who have designed this “hate site” know that the lefties that they seek to bait to rail against the extreme right will pick up on the “inviting people from other countries to… our great country” and indulge in a diatribe of their own about the original inhabitants of Australia.

It doesn’t matter where you were born and it doesn’t matter what colour your skin is. If you want to come to this great country and contribute and be a good Australian and live our way of life that our forefathers fought and died for, and not try to change our ideals, principles, standards, morals and ethics which all contribute to our life-style, then please come. You are very welcome! But please don’t bring with you any of the “rubbish” that caused you to want to leave your country of origin. Leave it behind and come to this great country of Australia for a better life. After all, isn’t that what you want to come here for – a better life?

Another very clever troll,

Imagine how the extreme leftists will react when they read the bit about the “rubbish” being left behind. They will moan on and on about small pox, influenza, alcohol and petrol…

They will talk about the destruction of “sacred sites”, the ruining of dreamtime myths, the forcing of Christianity on the indigenous people, the complete disregard for the culture of the people who had lived here for 40,000+ years or so…

This is quite brilliant really.

I think that this website is an extremely clever marketing ploy from the desperate powerbrokers of the ALP.

It is far too accurate a representation of the extreme right to be anything other than a parody.

The Greens do a brilliant job of parodying the extreme left (and actually acting it out), whereas Abbott and co have to exercise a modicum of self restraint.

Old Barnaby, he never holds back, but I strongly suspect that that some troublesome mischief makers on the left are responsible for this website, it is far too hypocritical and amusing to be anything else than a cleverly disguised troll that hopes to boost the flagging support for a flailing ALP.

The only place that they buggered up and gave a hint that they might actually be real right wing extremists was in the mailto link used to contact them – “tolerance” was misspelt as “tolerence” – though this could be another part of the elaborate troll.

Well done to the mischief makers who built this site – the extreme right couldn’t have done a better job of highlighting the dangers of neo conservatism.

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I have had enough, so it is time for a rant.

I hate people – loathe them in fact, always wanting something from you like knowledge about how your day has been, how you are, what is happening in your world… when all that they really want is to steal some precious oxygen and prompt you to query them on things of vast importance to them but which have absolutely no merit to you (or anyone else for that matter).

The rhetorical questions that we ask one another in our daily lives, as if by rote, have been amplified through “social media phenomenons” like facebook and twitter.

Whilst I am a self confessed user of both – it makes sense in the industry that pays me to laze about drinking wine on the weekends; I loathe the new cretinous sub class of humanity that has been given birth by these tools.

The common variety facebook whore will have between 200-300 friends.

If they are using it for business purposes – well and good, however if, as was the case with one oxygen thief that I knew, one of these virtual parasites has, lets say 372 friends and then comes crying when “two people have deleted me from facebook”, expecting sympathy; then they may as well neck themselves and do us all a favour.

Fuck me… this, well, to put it bluntly, piece of human waste honestly expected me to care that she had lost two “friends” from her cast of hundreds – and, more to the point, was indignant when I asked her who they were.

“Well, um, I don’t know, but the point is that I am upset and my other friends cared but you don’t”

Indeed I don’t, and you had better wake the fuck up to yourself if you think that the measure of your worth is gauged by a number next to your name on an insidious marketing tool like facebook.

Who cares how many friends you have in the virtual world?

I have decided that enough is enough.

In the “real world” – the place that I choose to go about my daily life – you know, the one that requires effort, engagement on a real level, getting the fuck up out of bed in the morning even when you really can’t be arsed facing the world yet again, I probably have what I would consider 10-20 friends if one doesn’t count family and colleagues.

I got to the outrageous point whereby I had 120+ “friends” on facebook. Yes, I was guilty of allowing virtual friendless social parasites to befriend me, no doubt feeding their burgeoning friend lists with the arrogant fuel that their narcissistic desires fed merrily upon – but it was fun for me to imagine their horror and despair when they scanned their “friends” list only to discover that it had been reduced by one when I evilly deleted them.

Basically my new strategy with facebook is thus:

• if I like you, you are in
• if I work with you, to avoid complications and uneasy lunchroom conversation and you don’t have a direct line to HR or the exec com team, you are in
• if there is some kind of mutual benefit to us being linked virtually (say, you can get me backstage at Cradle of Filth) you are in
• if I would have a beer/wine or selected spirit with you without having to put my mind into neutral, you are in
• if we have shared a night of drunken debauchery that doesn’t bear repeating here, you are probably in
• if you were to tell me that your mother/father/brother/sister/cat/significant other had suffered a hideous disfigurement and I envisage that I couldn’t care less, you are out.
• if I really don’t give a fuck what you are having for dinner, what time you are going to work, what your kids are doing, what household chores you are performing, what illness you are currently suffering, what you are doing on the weekend, how miserable you are feeling or what the fuck is going on with you and the love of your fucking life – you are out.
• If you are a grade A oxygen thief – then that is my fault, you should never have been on the list in the first place.

Call me arrogant – I don’t give a fuck, but the time has come people – time to take a stand.

Who really cares if:

• “Jemima really wishes that she didn’t have to work today” – toughen up bitch, the rest of us are dragging our arses out of bed
• “Johnny is pissed off that he missed out on tix for Vibes” – get a fuckin Visa debit you moaning fuck
• “George is devastated that Chloe left him for the pool boy” – should have learned how to fuck George – and waxed your back
• “Matilda is drunk” – gee, thanks for that pearl of wisdom you sad fuck
• “Cleopatra is hunting for Antony” – there are dating sites for that.

What I want to read are things like:

• “Nathan is really pleased with the quality of his new midget butler”
• “Harold has mastered the Pakistani Drill Press”
• “Lethal was not amused by the Angry Pirate that she had received”
• “Clint was devastated that he only had a handful more weeks of Warhawk left”

Get creative people – noone really gives a fuck if you are downtrodden, oppressed or bitter – that is what the news is for.

Harden up and cull people, cull until you can cull no more – even if it means culling me.

Time to commit some more congregaticide (faux latin for social networking culling)

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The below speech was made by Anthony Albanese – member for Grayndler – on the 6th of April, 1998.

Outside of anything ever uttered by The Great Man, it ranks,for mine, as possibly the greatest Australian parliamentary speech ever made. It paints such an accurate picture of our current prime minister that had this been made required reading back in 1998, we would have been rid of the menace that is John Howard a very long time ago:

“Today my grievance is against the Prime Minister (Mr Howard) for his failure to provide leadership. You can trim the eyebrows; you can cap the teeth; you can cut the hair; you can put on different glasses; you can give him a ewe’s milk facial, for all I care; but, to paraphrase a gritty Australian saying, ‘Same stuff, different bucket.’ In the pantheon of chinless blue bloods and suburban accountants that makes up the Australian Liberal Party, this bloke is truly one out of the box. You have to go back to Billy McMahon to find a Prime Minister who even approaches this one for petulance, pettiness and sheer grinding inadequacy. I read the late Paul Hasluck’s description of Billy McMahon, and I cannot find a thing that does not describe this Prime Minister equally well:

I confess to a dislike of McMahon. The longer one is associated with him the deeper the contempt for him grows and I find it hard to allow him any merit. Disloyal, devious, dishonest, untrustworthy, petty, cowardly – all these adjectives have been weighed by me and I could not in truth modify or reduce any one of them in its application to him.

In John Howard, here also is a man, small in every sense. Some have said that he is the worst Prime Minister since Billy McMahon. That is unfair to Billy McMahon. I am one of the few people who have opened up and read David Barnett’s biography of John Howard. I have to admit I have not read it all, because it is impossible to stay awake. I did, however, get to page 17. Here Barnett outlines Howard taking six weeks off work to campaign for the McMahon government. Was Billy McMahon grateful? Barnett outlined:

An appointment was arranged with McMahon in his office in Parliament House. Howard was ushered in, and Bill McMahon jumped to his feet. “No” he said. “I don’t want to see him.” Then McMahon, who also had an appointment with a Japanese delegation, stopped himself. “I thought you were Japanese” he explained.

Barnett goes on to explain what John Howard’s incredibly crucial and high-powered job was in the McMahon campaign; he was given the job of rolling the manual autocue built into McMahon’s podium. How appropriate. In this book Howard is quoted as saying of McMahon ‘he arrived in the job too old and too late’- this from a man who was born old and for whom time has stood still.

But the gulf, Mr Deputy Speaker, between the man in his mind – the phlegmatic, proud old English bulldog – the Winston of John Winston Howard – and the nervous, jerky, whiny apparition that we all see on the box every night. When he looks on the box he gets to see what we see – not the masterful orator of his mind but the whingey kid in his sandpit. Spare a thought for us, Mr Deputy Speaker, because we have to watch this performance every day – the chin and top lip jutting out in ‘full duck mode’.

This prime ministership is not about the future of our nation. It is about John Winston Howard’s past. We do not hear about the future of this nation when we listen to this Prime Minister. In every performance all we get are his life’s grievances. All we get is the accumulated bitterness and bile of 13 long years in opposition and the people he blames for keeping him there.

John Winston Howard grew up in the inner west of Sydney. His father owned a service station on the corner of the street where I now live. These were the halcyon days of little Winston’s life – when the working classes knew their place and when all migrants were British. Lucky John Winston Howard moved further north across the harbour. He certainly would not be comfortable living in the inner west of Sydney any more. A bit too much change for his lifetime.

John Howard has always been proud to call himself a conservative. The problem I think is that he has confused this with preservative. He probably wishes good old Ming had dosed the country with formaldehyde when he had the chance. Because it all started going wrong in the late 1960s. Here is a man who lived at home until he was 32. You can imagine what he was like. Here were young Australians demonstrating against the Vietnam War, listening to the Doors, driving their tie-died kombi vans, and what was John Howard doing? He was at home with mum, wearing his shorts and long white socks, listening to Pat Boone albums and waiting for the Saturday night church dance.

Yes, it all started to go wrong back in the 1960s. Radical and sinister notions of equality for women, world peace and, dare I say it, citizenship rights for indigenous Australians. So what do we hear when we listen to John Winston Howard today? We hear the hatred and resentment in his voice – the sort of hatred and resentment we saw at the reconciliation conference last year – hatred and resentment from a man who was never part of the scene, who was not accepted, for whom a different life was too big a leap and who took refuge in a previous generation. You can see it in his instinctive hatred of any progression, and he sees it everywhere – policies of social inclusion, multiculturalism, women’s liberation, Aboriginal reconciliation. In all of them he only ever sees the jump he was too weak to make decades ago. Now he wants the whole nation to stay back and keep him company.

Try an interesting little exercise some day. Punch `Howard’ and `multiculturalism’ into the Hansard database. You will find he has never mentioned the word. When you punch in `Howard’ and ‘multicultural’ you do get it nine times but each and every time he is referring to the Minister for Immigration and Multicultural Affairs. This is the man we have leading the country – a man who is so instinctively petty and so bitterly obsessed that he could craft an entire parliamentary career without mentioning the word `multiculturalism’ and what that represents, because it is an idea he is opposed to. He is positive]y Orwellian in his pettiness. This is a smallness of mind, a meanness with breathtaking scope – I can just imagine his enormous pride at this aspect.

It is a small thing really but remember when the Spice Girls came to Australia at the beginning of the year? Everyone said it was just the silly season that the Prime Minister’s refusal to meet with them got so much press. Well it was and it was not. What did he say? He said it would not be ‘appropriate’ to meet with them. That is vintage John Winston Howard. If he really did not want to meet them he could have just said he was on holiday at Hawks Nest – same place, same flat every year for decades – with the family and that would have been fair enough. People would have respected that. But he could not resist. He could not resist telling the youth of Australia that he thought they were infantile and stupid and therefore it would be inappropriate to meet these people who, after all, are Tory supporters from Britain.

We have a man leading this country who is prepared always to go out of his way to insult people he does not like, but not with the courage to come out and say it but do it sneakily. Weakly and sneakily. Weaseling around the point. Remember when he decided to give Jeff Kennett a blast? He does not do what anyone else would do – go into parliament or outside and do a doorstep. He tells the coalition party room and then organises for one of his mates to leak it. No wonder Jeff thought it was so funny.

This is the man we have leading this country – yesterday’s man, a weak man, a little man, a man without courage and a man without vision. Billy McMahon in short pants. This is the man who has brought the full force of his personality to bear on Australia. Australia is now learning what it is like live life through John Howard’s eyes. This is the man whose only aim in the end – forgetting the prime ministership – was to pay back all those who had tried to stop him along the way. Australia is a better country than that and Australians are better people than that. Australians are, if we are anything, courageous people.

So steeped in conservative values and fear of what is new is John Winston Howard that, if he were born before the Wright brothers, he would have organised a campaign against air travel of any description on the grounds that it was new and potentially dangerous. He is an antique, a remnant of the past that should be put on display, but not in government and certainly not in a leadership position, for anachronisms belong in museums and historical texts, not in parliament. Australians deserve a courageous leader; they do not deserve the kind of leader that used to dob on them in the schoolyard. They do not deserve John Winston Howard and in time they will put him out to pasture. Roll on that day, come the federal election.”

Brilliant.

Roll on that day, come the federal election.

Technorati Tags: federal election, john howard, anthony albanese, paul keating, australian politics, pathetic little man, grayndler

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The Australian had the good judgement to post this article by John Heard.

Heard is intentionally provocative, yet, for his age, quite well versed. Sadly though, his latest article does neither he nor his argument any justice:

God is not responsible

Whilst Heard violates all the requirements of a logical argument, it is worth reading not only what he has to say, but also the 10 pages of comments that his article attracted. It shouldn’t be too hard to make your own mind up:

(more…)

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Why did we vote this man out?

Australian politics has not and will probably never see his brilliance again.

A true visionary sadly misunderstood by the great unwashed.

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Those crazy bastards over there in the sub-continent love their effigies don’t they?

It has always amused me the burning of effigies – even more so because it tends to be quite prolific amongst cricket fans. This is as amusing as it is confusing.

The poor old Pakistanis and Indians have suffered humiliating defeats at the hands of Ireland and Bangladesh respectively (I don’t know which would be worse considering Jason Gillespie’s double ton against Bangladesh)

It has gotten even worse though with Indian fans not only drowning pictures of their players:

… but storming and trashing the home of one of them:

What a bunch of fucking muppets!

I wonder what would happen if they were as mad about soccer as they are of cricket…

It is time that we introduced the art of effigy burning to Australia I believe – the Rugby World Cup should give us a great opportunity to hone our skills.

Technorati Tags: Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Ireland, Cricket World Cup, effigy, effigies, funny, muppets

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Bill Leak is a genius at succinctly capturing the Australian political climate.

Here are some snippets from his pen as published in The Australian over the past two weeks.

Technorati Tags: Bill Leak, Obama, Osama, John Howard, Australian Politics, Kevin Rudd, Cartoons

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Goats get a lot of undeserved stick… from having their image used to represent Satan to being accused of being walking rubbish dumps – and it gets worse it would seem.

I just found out that there is a type of goat called the “Judas Goat”.

It is quite amusing actually, they are trained to lead other animals to the slaughter and also to lead hunters to feral goats which is pretty bloody clever I think.

It is unfortunate that the name Judas isn’t really used all that much in modern times, I think that it is a great name. I may even start a campaign to have Judas as the top boys name for 2007…

Technorati Tags: Judas, Judas Goat, Goat, Satan

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Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali is quickly becoming the clown prince of Australia.

He would almost be amusing if he didn’t have the capability of being quite dangerous… actually, his latest speech is pretty funny.
In his latest speech, Hilali promises to “place a masking tape on my mouth in public for a period of 6 months, to discipline this mouth for uttering these words” if he is found by an independent panel to be:

“… guilty of giving justification for the crime of rape, that I have given incitement for the crime of rape, that I have claimed that any woman without the veil deserves to be raped or that she is the one responsible for the occurrence…”

Whilst it is debatable that his original speech could be said to be an incitement to rape, it certainly appeared to justify it on the grounds that the woman, as an “weapon of Satan” sashayed about suggestively with the sole intention of inviting Neanderthal knuckle dragging animals to do to her what they pleased. It also seemed to suggest that rape was never the mans fault as the woman had lured him into acting in such a manner.

This man is a liability to all Australians – but especially to the majority population of moderate Muslim Australians…

I really hope that an independent panel takes him up on his offer, it would be really funny seeing him walking around with a taped up mouth for six months… better still, one of those Pulp Fiction pool ball gags – that would be great!

Technorati Tags: Mufti, gag, masking tape, pool ball gag, ball gag, al-Hilali, Pulp Fiction

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